One Big Tip to Help a Troubled Marriage

A troubled marriage is like a millstone around your neck. But in spite of that, a lot of couples stay in a relationship for varied reasons: for the sake of the children, divorce is embarrassing to their friends or they have not lost hope that their marriage can be mended. Half of all marriages end in divorce; however, this doesn’t mean the other half is living happily ever after. A troubled marriage seems like it will stay that way forever but usually the cause is just something that has been going on for years but never pinpointed as the problem. And the culprit that is a common cause of a troubled marriage is selfishness.

Don’t overlook the fact that you and your spouse are equally important in your relationship. Supposing that both of you have different and contrary opinions or preferences of a way of doing things, it doesn’t follow that your way is the correct one and should therefore be followed. The cause of a troubled marriage is frequently a partner who must get his or her way and gets angry if he or she doesn’t. To combat selfishness, learn to compromise. Accepting that you are not going to get your own way some of the time will pave the way to a harmonious marriage.

Usually, in a troubled marriage, some form of selfishness is present in both partners. When one or both spouses are always adamant about getting their own way or having everybody do their bidding, arguments erupt. Resentment and anger sets in and if allowed to simmer, it can blow up. Temper tantrums are for two year old kids, not married adults! These are the types of behavior that are seen in a troubled marriage. If both partners stop acting like spoiled brats and start being more considerate of the other’s wishes, there will be a noticeable improvement in the relationship. Listening to the other’s point of view and putting aside your own selfish desire will work wonders for your marriage.

So how do you know if selfishness is in your marriage and is the cause of your problems? Count the times you get your way and dismiss your partner’s wishes when she disagrees with your decision. A troubled marriage occurs when a spouse tunes out his partner the moment she starts speaking out. Don’t forget that your spouse is the other half of your marriage and as such, is entitled to state her opinions, too. To be a more thoughtful and less self-centered partner, pay attention to what your partner is saying and do not dismiss her opinions outright.

A troubled marriage can be healed when selfishness of one or both spouses is put aside. Giving value and importance to each other’s wants and needs instead of being obstinate and insisting on your way being followed all the time is a good way to start mending your relationship. You went into the marriage as two consenting and level-headed adults, and for a troubled marriage to shift to a peaceful and happy one, you should start acting less like kids and more like grown-ups.

What To Do If You Realise Your Partner is Having an Affair?

If you have just discovered your partner has been having an affair, you might think that the feelings of betrayal, disappointment and anger will never subside. When you're in such emotional turmoil, you really must try to control how you communicate with your partner when you start to discuss the issue.

Here are some tips for how to deal with the problem.

• Even if you fear bad news is at hand, agree to spend appropriate time talking and listening to your partner.
• Maintain eye contact with your partner. When you talk about it sit or stand so that you can see each other clearly
• Let your partner finish before responding. Always avoid interrupting when your partner partner is speaking.
• It is important to hear all the information, so try to resist the urge to start shouting, or rushing out of the room, even if you do feel hurt and upset.
• Ask questions if you need to, but ask those that relate to why the affair happened. For instance, ask what your partner felt was going wrong in your relationship that caused them to go ahead and have an affair.
• Avoid asking questions such as "Were they better in bed than me?" You may want answers to these kinds of questions later on, but it is better to make sense of your feelings about why the affair happened at this stage.
• Avoid immediately blaming your partner, their lover or yourself. It may seem tempting to hurl an insult at your partner about their fickleness and blame their lover as seducer, but this will not help you work out why the affair has happened. You should also shy away from self-blame.

Ultimately affairs are a symptom of problems within your joint relationship, even though you might wonder if your own short-comings have caused the affair, or you might see the breakdown as all your partner's fault.