If you have just discovered your partner has been having an affair, you might think that the feelings of betrayal, disappointment and anger will never subside. When you're in such emotional turmoil, you really must try to control how you communicate with your partner when you start to discuss the issue.
Here are some tips for how to deal with the problem.
- Even if you fear bad news is at hand, agree to spend appropriate time talking and listening to your partner.
- Maintain eye contact with your partner. When you talk about it sit or stand so that you can see each other clearly
- Let your partner finish before responding. Always avoid interrupting when your partner partner is speaking.
- It is important to hear all the information, so try to resist the urge to start shouting, or rushing out of the room, even if you do feel hurt and upset.
- Ask questions if you need to, but ask those that relate to why the affair happened. For instance, ask what your partner felt was going wrong in your relationship that caused them to go ahead and have an affair.
- Avoid asking questions such as "Were they better in bed than me?" You may want answers to these kinds of questions later on, but it is better to make sense of your feelings about why the affair happened at this stage.
- Avoid immediately blaming your partner, their lover or yourself. It may seem tempting to hurl an insult at your partner about their fickleness and blame their lover as seducer, but this will not help you work out why the affair has happened. You should also shy away from self-blame.
Ultimately affairs are a symptom of problems within your joint relationship, even though you might wonder if your own short-comings have caused the affair, or you might see the breakdown as all your partner's fault.
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